Geek Smithology

February 4, 2009

Birth of Vader

Filed under: Sight by Nathan @ 12:59 pm

Like so many geeks who grew up with the original Star Wars trilogy (and I mean people who were actually born when Star Wars came out, not these punk kids who are five years younger than Return of the Jedi) I was, shall we say, disappointed with episodes one two and three.

It is my contention that Episode I was a complete waste of time, and that Episode II (a well-written and acted Episode II, of course) should have been the first, entitled The Clone Wars. And rather than just a few anticlimactic minutes of a single movie, Episode III would have focussed on the Vader’s destruction of the Jedi, call it Revenge of the Sith (because that’s actually a fine name). This means that the famous duel between Anakin and Obi-Wan (which was actually pretty good, all things considered) would’ve ended my Episode II, Rise of the Emperor. However, rather than a pathetic “NOOOOOOOOO!”, I would’ve ended it something like this…

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INT. SOPHISTICATED OPERATING ROOM - NIGHT
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Screen is black, and there are muffled sounds of robotic surgery: DRILLS, SAWS, WELDERS.  A strobe effect replaces the black with a series of images from the surgery.
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First, a robotic arm being roughly welded to what remains of a ruined arm.  SCREAMS.
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A harness lifting the torso on VADER’s black legs.  SCREAMS, sparks, a saw enters the screen.
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The chest device is locked into place, a HISS and steam as it is sealed.
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Fade from black to a close-up of the face mask.  As it is lowered onto ANAKIN’s face amid steam and fire, the camera pans back, so that more and more of ANAKIN’s body comes into scene as the mask descends, but we never see his face again.  The mask locks into place with the same sound used in EMPIRE.
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Fade to black.  No sound for several seconds.
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The silence is broken by the unmistakable sound of VADER’s BREATHING as his life support systems start operating.  After three or four breaths, the Imperial march comes up low at a slow, funereal tempo.
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ROLL CREDITS.

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